Community Corner

At Rutgers-Newark Vigil for Clementi: 'Be in Students' Faces' About Offering Help

Students, faculty and the community speak out on LGBT issues.

Beneath a dark sky of rain in complete silence, the candles kept aglow in Newark on Monday night.

More than 75 staff members, students and community members from Rutgers-Newark and the greater Newark community were on hand to honor Tyler Clementi, the 18-year-old Rutgers student and Ridgewood High School graduate who committed suicide after his roommate and other student allegedly webcast video of him having a sexual encounter with another man. Those gathered held a candlelight vigil and a panel discussion on lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered rights.

"We want to remind each other of the duty we have as a community to make every place safe for us," said Andrew Kunka, a 24-year-old law student and member of the LGBTQ Caucus at Rutgers Newark, which helped organize the event.

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Kunka, crying under the rain, said that he was called slurs every day during elemntary school and continually told to ignore it. Although he said he faced harassment in high school as well, he did remember the formative years in elementary school** being particularly difficult.

"It caused exclusion and depression," he said, later adding that in order to change the status quo and the structural legal system, "LGBTQ individuals need federal protections to insure they have equal protection under the law nationally.

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"The laws and policies need to get better," the Arizona native and head of the caucus said, adding that there's a "natural permeation" between the legal and culture side but a greater balance yet to be achieved through dialogue.

He called Monday evening's vigil and panel discussion just "the first step."

Other student leaders were in attendance with Kunka, urging other students to use the resources available to them, though they all admitted their work is far from done.

"We're setting up the building blocks," said Samantha Hess, president of RU Pride, who also spoke to students, staff and the Newark community.

"We have to build a comunity which protects against bullying and discrimination more than we had in the past," she said.

RU Pride Vice Rresident Rene Melara adding that Clementi's death is not an isolated incident, but said "we can end it now before anyone else loses their life."

BiGLARU Speaks Out

Student leaders from BiGLARU, a leading LGBT rights organization with Rutgers New Brunswick, made the drive as well, promoting solidarity and pledging to fight for more rights as a university. But most critically, they were there to ensure that all students are healthy and are taking care of themselves, they said.

"The primary issue here is for the students to be in safe spaces," said Ronni Auld, 20, female president of BiGLARU, who said at the panel discussion that the Rutgers administration has been listening to students and cautioned students to be first and foremost concerned with their own selves.

"There are a lot of people with agendas on this issue," Auld said later in an interview, adding that the group wants to leverage the national attention to ensure that students now have no doubt that there are many places to find help and to guarantee that the help is there.

"My personal ideal is to focus on what the students need," Auld said. "We're here as a resource."

Auld, Jose Santiago and "straight ally" Christine Trusioni said that when first arriving on the Rutgers-New Brunswick campus, where exactly the resources are for someone in Tyler's shoes are not immediately known. There was an event in the student packet given when first stepping on campus, they said, but no list of people one can call or groups to join.

But progress has been made, Auld said: there's new LGBT social justice center in place; a gay, bi and progressive fraternity is about to receive its charter; there's diversity on campus; and the student body, gay and straight, is committed to ending harassment.

"But I don't think we've reached that point where we say we're done though," Auld said.

"We need to continue to be student leaders," said Santiago. "There's always more."

Still, they've been encouraged by the level of civic engagement the non-gay groups and individuals have provided in the past week. At Sunday night's vigil at Rutgers New Brunswick, hundreds of straight people came out in support.

Although "we'll never know what it's really like," Trusioni, the "straight ally," said, it's vital that straight students step in and stand beside the LGBT community.

Santiago told teachers and staff that they need to make it absolutely clear that the resources are there for students.

"Students as lost as Tyler was would still be able to find them. Really be in students' faces," he said.

From what they know of the situation, none of the three were convinced that the two students accused of webcasting Clementi did so because he was gay.

"They were just ignorant freshman who were occupying time," said Auld, with Santiago adding that BiGLARU has spent the past week or so trying to discern if this really was a LGBT issue.

While not convinced that Clementi was singled out because of his sexual orientation, they say his sexuality had a direct impact on what followed.

"If he were a heterosexual man, he probably wouldn't have reacted that way," Santiago said. "He probably would not have killed himself."

The three BiGLARU members say their struggle isn't much different from that of the civil rights movement in the 1960's.

"What we're all fighting for in the end is fighting for the same thing–equality," Auld said.

The Panel

The vigil followed a panel of guests who explored how the LGBT community deals with incidents of harassment and discrimination, where they can turn when they feel the walls are closing in, and what challenges the community still face in legislation and in gaining equality and complete acceptance in a society many said have let them down.

"It's a shame a death has to get us to this point," said Justine Powell, a Rutgers-Newark student who said that she had a heated discussion today in class about gay rights but found no student support. Then, after class, several students approached Powell and told her how much they agreed.

Crying at the panel discussion, Powell said, "Why are you telling me now that you support gay rights? Where were you then?"

Others said the greater society has let them down, ignored them and discriminated them in the past, and were dismayed that it took a death to move people to action.

"We know what it's like to be spat at, be beaten up. We get it," said Maggie Shafar, an out professor at Rutgers-Newark.

Religious leaders, community activists, advocates spoke passionately, relaying what they and their organizations do and the resources they have available.

Pauline McLoughlin, from the Counceling Center at RU-Newark, said the center  is trying to do the right thing to make the community safer. She said the center hasn't done a great job relaying that message, but people are in every office ready to help in any capacity they can.

"It's with great sadness that I am here today," she said. "But I'm also honored."

McLoughlin said that one-third of LGBT people have already attempted suicide, and as someone who works with them as a counselor, she said they've reached the tipping point.

"We can't deny it. We can't run from it anymore," she said.

Frank Vespa-Papaleo, an attorney who had worked on formative cases as the director of the New Jersey Division of Civil Rights, a wing of the Attorney General's office, and has won awards for his work in legally fighting for LGBT causes, discussed possible future legislation coming from State Senator Shirley Turner and the bi-partison bill scheduled to be voted on this month called the "Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights Law."

"The laws are in flux," he said, adding that even if strengthened, "laws alone will not stop bullying."

Scott Hirshfeld, the Anti-Defamation League's curriculum director, said that although media reports would seem to indicate that the harassment and bullying are a new problem, that's far from the truth.

"It's a persistent problem," he said, also appealing that those concerned with simply punishing the two alleged perpetrators of the Clementi webast incident, Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei, are "missing the boat."

"There's some catharsis when we can put all the blame on a few kids," he said, but "it lets society off the hook."

Patch reminds young people of any sexual orientation who are struggling with social isolation or other difficulties: Help is available.

Patch also invites Tyler Clementi's friends and loved ones to share their thoughts and memories about the teen known as a talented musician and gifted student.

*This article originally stated that Kunka was bullied every day in high school. It was is elementary school that he was harassed every day, although he was also harassed in high school to a lesser degree, he said.


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