Simply put, the reason my ex-wife and I are no longer together can be summed up with this: massages. Or, at least, that's how I explained it to my son when he asked. That explanation about such a complex issue sounds simplified and trivial, even to a nine-year-old boy. Simplified? Yes. But it's not as trivial as you might think–hear me out. As defined in the American Heritage Dictionary, the term massage is "the rubbing or kneading of the body to aid circulation or relax the muscles." On a broader spectrum, a massage is an unselfish act that creates bonding between two people.  There is a …

Recently, my ex-wide (typo–meant "wife") purposely staged an offensive move in our non-existent relationship by changing our weekend visitation agreement. This lovely woman made such changes at the same exact place where we concieved our youngest child, on a weekend when I had visitation rights. She then had my eldest son call and tearfully lead me to undersand that mom and his friends would be present at this reserved camping spot, and he wanted to be there. Of course I obliged to my son's wishes; but I seethed at the subtle, through-your -sensitive son, win-at-his-cost behavior of my …

As we sit and wait at PNC Bank Arts Center for RUSH to begin, I laugh at how prepared we are. Here we are in our later years (our 40's) and still energized for a show, as if we are 17 again. Reborn after suffering through marriage and divorce, a storm of its own for certain, we start re-living those high school years through music. You may remember that Hurricane Earl was sure to hit hard and ruin an evening we all expected to be filled with laughter and song, so Murph and I took a huge "risk" (according to local media) and headed down early for the Jersey Shore, the die-hard fans we are, to …

As I lie my exhausted frame upon my life-supporting bed (compliments of Sleepy's in Ridgewood), I slowly sip at my perspiring bottle and breathe. Yes folks, 'one of those days' where you should have taken a zero and stayed in your stained sweats and watched Lifetime for Women. A comfy sheet and a pint of American's Choice Ice Cream (got to cut corners during hard, economical times) will steer the coarse to 'remote bliss' and lazy naps.  My partner, DC Stein, sensing the needed time of adjustment, kept the boys and dog at a distance until the murky cloud subsided.  Lying with the full-house …

Murphy's column dedicated to a Harry Chapin song a few weeks ago drew him to conclusions that many of his past friendship were false. The truest friendships were those from a very distant past, those he valued with high regard and wished the time spent with them, quite simply, would never end.  Well, try this one on for size! I had dinner at Marcello's, a few weeks ago with friends I haven't seen since the night after the deadly discovery–my ex had been having an affair with a very good friend of mine, whom we refer to as "Scarlet" in this weekly column. Scarlet and I met 10-15 years prior at…

"Cortez the Killer," the Neil Young epic off "Zuma," whirls through guitar-driven instrumentals for three minutes before reaching out and pulling you in. The lyrics are there to be dissected, jumping from third-person narrative to the first person; from Conquistador Hernando Cortez and the death, sacrifice and loss of innocence of the Aztek people, to the rebuilding, the return. Many believe there's a "hidden" meaning to the 1975 classic: thematically, the loss of innocence. We learn from any type of loss in life, be it death, divorce – that first real smack in the face from life moves us …

Yes, music lovers, the title of this article is borrowed from the great storyteller of my time—Harry Chapin. "Let Time Go Lightly" is a beautiful piece of writing by the late Chapin, and I am infusing it into this article to describe how I balance my losses and gains throughout my divorce experience. Due to my ex-wife's refusal to drive my son to and from his court-ordered outings with his dad, I have the unique pleasure to experience OUR old friends at various times. Recently, after a joyful weekend with my son, I was asked to drop him off at a shore house located in Bradley Beach. As I was …

So... We received a lot of comments on DC Murphy's column last week, "Come Back and Spoon" about the interesting and conflicting role reversal activities that frequent our ever-growing relationship. The most repeated comment, and I must say the most "obvious" was (and I am improvising here), "After the ass-kicking Stein gave him last week, was this just an attempt to earn some brownie points? My readers: Fear not. I discovered very early on in our relationship—although Murphy's divorce was more recent than mine and luggage a whole lot heavier—I was taken by surprise just six short weeks into …

After battling with the corporate heads during the mid-week heat, I decided to call Stein (readers, it's true: I have learned to call my love "DC Stein") and have her meet me at Cafe Winberies in Ridgewood for a needed repose. Ordering a glass of Chardonney, as Stein requested a hearty brew from the taps, I felt the tectonic plates of gender roles sliding and abruptly moving towards uncomfortable areas. This brief moment of disturbed clarity allowed me to focus on my subject for this article. Are role reversals in relationships a familiar step towards comfortable love, or are we all part of …

In DC Murphy's column last week, "Batter Up—Admitting When You're Wrong," he discussed a recent blowout we had over his lack of regard for my request for the check-in phone call when he is "out on the town" or in this case, out in the woods. And yes, this was a blowout. Not an argument, a fight or a disagreement. I was FUMING, and for the first time in over a year and a half of dating, living with and loving this man, I literally blew my stack. The reality is when a relationship is going well, the blowups are far and few between. Murphy and I have very few of these. Yes, we argue and have …

WOW, was I in a heap of it when I rolled out the drama barrel in my dysfunctional life last weekend. In previous relationships, this devious scenario played itself with devastating effects. Now it forced its way into my relationship with cocolumnist DC Stein.  No excuses here, but it was a subconscious, super-ego, learned behavior based fully on my part (I know this due to my bachelor's in psychology from the Richard Stockton College of New Jersey—whoa). This time, though, I admitted my misdeed. The story unfolds with me attending a reunion with past coworkers. We gathered at a friend's home …

While sipping a margarita at Winberie's, I read an article written by Rachel Rettner: "Divorce Not Always Bad For the Kids." A recent study found that children of divorce whose parents maintained a relatively cordial relationship were able to experience positive relationships in life. On the other hand, children whose parents stayed married for the sake of the children, although not happily married, experienced more conflict in relationships. We have all heard the cliché "stay together for the sake of the children," and perhaps a decade ago, there was no sound research to determine it was …

A few days ago, DC Stein and myself decided to meet at MacMurphy's for a well-needed cocktail. After receiving an ass whooping at community trivia among the younger, more hip crowd, we left defeated, but aglow. Traveling through Ridgewood, I began to contemplate the social commentary that became our main course for the evening: "Do men and women have a different scale in defining what constitutes friendly banter or flirtatious behavior?" In judging interactions between men and women, I always side on friendly banter, so that the scales of justice would at least be even—knowing that my …

Nearly five months have passed since the loss of my son, Myles. Days have painstakingly trickled by, life continues, but I feel lost in a world I no longer understand.  However, the lights in my world—my partner DC Stein, her children and my own son—keep me going. I am luckier than most as her boys possess an energy that forbids me from cocooning myself in permanent hibernation. My oldest son is my light. He helps to keep me away from the daily darkness that tries to blanket my pain. But lacking the daily, in-person interaction with my son puts a strain on us both.  Getting involved with …

Two weeks ago, I asked DC Stein: "Where would you be today if you still stayed married to your ex?"  My answer to that question would be that I would be hiding out in a local pub drinking my unhappiness and lack of control with lying bravado. The ugly side of OUR marriage would have infiltrated every aspect of our family life and the self-abuse on both ends would have caused explosive events, which in effect would have scarred our children for many years. Maybe they would have been guests on a Jerry Springer episode—finding excuses for their trailer park existence and being wastes stuck in …

Last week, DC Murphy assigned me this topic: "Describe your life at this moment in time, if you were still married to your ex-spouse." SO, here I go. Decided to grab a cup of coffee. It's now 6 a.m. Last night, I spent an evening in Ridgewood. First, we had makeovers at the wonderful Town & Country Apothecary with Lauren, and then we hopped over to The Office for some more wine. The Irish twins joined me. Ironically, we reminisced over dinner about the time my ex showed up on my front porch with an engagement ring (for the second time). We were six months into our divorce. Scarlet (his new …

While receiving a deep-tissue message (yes ladies, men do love massages lasting more than five minutes; carpal tunnel excuses used up [DC Stein—we are talking back massage!]), at Karma Organic Spa, I languished in peaceful delight and reflected upon Stein's article "A Bookish Revelation:  Love Your Life." Reflection of one's past leads to bright, focused revelations about the present and future. You journey down a path that began clear and ended with thorns and prickers, but you remember the blocked trail and find anew. The path is wider, bathing in forest sunlight, criss-crossing into new …