Treasure the Away Game

When my kids started playing other towns, I dreaded the road trips. Getting to home games on time is challenging enough with scrambling to find shoes, forgetting water, and various equipment issues. But the added challenge of locating the hidden field was daunting.

I quickly discovered, though, that away games should be treasured by parents. It’s not because the fields are better (although they always are if you're from Glen Rock).  It’s because you have a captive audience with your son or daughter for a good 20 to 30 minutes, with a natural break in between.

But capitalizing on the opportunity is the biggest challenge. If you blow it, your kid will find a distraction to tune you out, so here are some tips to maximize the opportunity:

The Game Plan: Your Directions

First off, turn off the GPS and write out the directions to the field. Let your child be the navigator.  It’s a nice common ground and is a safety net if you start screwing up the conversation.  Just make sure you memorize the directions beforehand because being late to the game is embarrassing for everyone. 

The First Half: Your Car Ride to the Field

Inevitably, you’re running late. I’m sure it’s your kid’s fault (for the reasons above), but don’t dwell on it. Do a quick check to make sure you have everything and leave the blame baggage at the house. Start by giving the directions to your kid. It makes them feel like they’re in charge.  Have them read through the first few turns and then you’re ready for the approach:

1. Game plan. BRIEFLY talk about the game. Don’t belabor it. You need to have two quick points. Anything more and the conversation ends. I try to stick to something they did well last game and something they need to remember to focus on for today.
2. Time out. Change pace and ask a question. Make it something that interests your kid, not you. It has to be targeted in nature, but can’t be as simple as “what happened at school today”. That’s sure to be met with dead silence. Mom is always a good resource for this one. 
3. Superstar. Tell them they’re great. Leave the car with them feeling good. They may blow you off on the outside, but they won’t on the inside. Hopefully it will carry over into the game.

When you get stuck – and you will – go back to your crutch (the directions).  And if you run out of material, ask another open ended question about them.  But remember, this is the easy part.

Your Halftime: The Game

This is your break in the action, but you have to pay attention. You’re not there to read the paper or play on your blackberry. Trust me, your kid is always watching you. Of course, don’t make a jackass out of yourself either by yelling instructions to your kid throughout the game (I’ve struggled with this).  If so, you’ll be in a big hole in the second half, or, your kid will ask to ride home with a friend.

Second Half: The Ride Home

This is the hard part. You’ll to spend the whole time critiquing the entire game and your kid's performance – don’t. 

1. Recap. Talk in general about the game and focus one thing the team did well and one thing it didn’t. Just one. If you're talking for more than a mile, you've spoken too long.
2. The Moment. Pick one thing that your kid didn’t do well and one thing he/she did.  Always end with the positive – and there will always be at least one thing.  The more obscure, the better, because it shows that you were paying attention.  Especially if it’s something you talked about on the way to the game. Wrap this up within the next 1-2 miles.
3. Move On. Ask another question about them and talk about something they care about.  If you exhausted all of your points during the ride in, text mom at halftime of your kid’s game for more information. Your whole goal during the ride home is connecting on a personal level.  If they want your opinion on the game, they’ll ask.  And if the conversation is going well, take a couple of wrong turns.

The Result: Did You Win or Lose?