While receiving a deep-tissue message (yes ladies, men do love massages lasting more than five minutes; carpal tunnel excuses used up [DC Stein—we are talking back massage!]), at Karma Organic Spa, I languished in peaceful delight and reflected upon Stein's article "A Bookish Revelation: Love Your Life."
Reflection of one's past leads to bright, focused revelations about the present and future. You journey down a path that began clear and ended with thorns and prickers, but you remember the blocked trail and find anew. The path is wider, bathing in forest sunlight, criss-crossing into new fields of wonder and excitement. You find peace again in your surroundings.
The peace that you find is drama free and filled with grounded insight through experience. One of my therapists (if I keep this up, I may have to convert to Judaism) cautioned me about my addiction (one of many) to "drama queen females."
It appears at the time of my separation and divorce, I was smitten with all females who favored drama behavior. The type who like to make a scene and fill a room with very loud vocal verbiage. I played off this like a man tapping the ivories at a piano bar. Since that experience, I now have chosen calm and distance. Calm with my relationship with DC Stein and distance from that blocked my path to self.
"What you give is what you get," a quote that I strive to live by, which I try to teach to my loved ones. Prejudice, self-hating reflection upon your partner is a flame you can't smother. The lighted kindling piles up and spreads wildly, causing irreparable damage. Think about the fuel you need to sustain your smile, and give it back in bountiful supply.
DC Stein gives me my smile, and I am grateful and deeply touched by her loving soul. The drama is calm and worked out with deep hugs and laughter. With her, I am able to accept my flaws and deal with them without it being screamed into my confused and frightened mug. Loving thy self is easier to do when your partner actually accepts you and change is a progression not a request.
Yes, I have regrets about my actions in the past, but it has directed me here—and here is "A Better Place To Be" (Thank you Harry Chapin for your words and heart).
For next week, I challenge my writing partner to tackle the scenario: "Describe your life at this moment in time, if you were still married to your ex-spouse."
"The Big D. in Bergen C." is a weekly column written from the perspective of a divorced male and female.